It’d been two years. Two years on this trail he was laying out before us. Two years hunting down the man that had killed my brother, left him beaten and bloody in the street gutter like trash that someone couldn’t be bothered to even place in the bin. Ben had been alive long enough to tell the medics that it was Rico, of the Railway Gang, but they hadn’t gotten anything more out of him. No one seemed to know who Rico was and very little was truly known about the Railway Gang. The police “investigated”, heavy emphasis on the quotations. They choked it up to a gang war or drug deal gone bad and didn’t think another low life off the street was worth spending resources on. They didn’t know my brother and didn’t want to. He was a great guy. Sure he’d spent a large portion of his free time trying to be the superheroes he read about in his favorite comics but he was on the same side of the law, or at least parallel to it.
I never fully understood what exactly he was getting up to until about a year into this journey of tracking down his killer. I always thought he was maybe surveying people to try to get evidence on them in order to turn it over to the authorities. I didn’t know he was physically taking action himself. I found out from a railway gang member’s sister that he was crashing drug deals and beating up pimps and abusers. She had heard about it from her brother. At first it was hard to know it was him but then when they described him and a birthmark he had on his neck, I knew she must have been talking about Ben. How could I not know he was taking justice into his own hands. I am still not sure how I feel about this. He had always done charity work, volunteering for organizations that tracked down online predators and such, but to go from being behind the screen to actually taking action himself, I just could not get my head around it.
We were both nerdy quiet introverted kids. We were into comics and video games and reading. We spent large amounts of time alone, or together but in silence enjoying our own book or comic. Where had he gotten the confidence to take on organized crime? Where had he gotten the skills? I just couldn’t believe it but with every person we managed to gain information from, the more it confirmed that the person they were speaking about was my brother. They didn’t know his name, they just called him the stalker because he always seemed to know when to show up and break up whatever gang activity they had going at the moment.
Through a lot of sleuthing and conversations we also learned that Rico was mostly a ghost within the railway crew. Most of the lower level members and their families only knew him by name and reputation, never having laid eyes on him. He seemed to be somewhat of a fixer for the crew. He was called upon to handle large problems and it seemed my brother had become a large problem.
My brother’s best friend Blair was the person helping me figure out who this Rico person was. I am not even quite sure how we started two years ago. I think maybe we were both trying to do research on our own, found out that we were each trying to solve this puzzle and teamed up, but the exact details are fuzzy. Blair was the opposite of me, she was extroverted and confident. If I am being honest, she was doing most of the hard work, I was just the loveable sidekick. Most of the people we managed to get a conversation with ended up telling her things simply because she was good with words, only a few times did she get a little rough with them. I was not sure how to handle the rough, I didn’t know she was like that. I guess I am not as good at reading people as I thought I was. She has never admitted to knowing what my brother did in his free time but I get the distinct feeling she not only knew but maybe was a part of this portion of his world.
I still am not sure, once we finally do catch up with this Rico guy, what the plan is or how I will feel. I feel so deeply that I want him dead, beaten and bloody like my brother. I also know that I am not sure if I have the ability to do that. I have never harmed someone, let alone killed them. The comforting thing my head keeps telling me is that we will “arrest” him and turn him over to the police. It feels comfortable having them handle the decision of his punishment. They will put him behind bars and that would be closure. A large part of me really feels like that would do it, that would be the closure I need but another, darker part of me doesn’t think that would feel satisfying enough. Another part of me wants to draw blood.
Two years searching for answers has flown by. In the moments of it all it felt slow and painful. One lead sent us to a dead end until we would manage to find another. It did not feel like we were really making progress, nor did it feel like it would ever be finished. This was feeling like it would be the rest of my life. That is until Blair caught a lead that actually led to another lead instead of the usual deadend. She went out at around 11pm. She told me she didn’t want me with her for this particular meeting, she needed to do it alone. I hung back, disappointed and frustrated. No, I had not been a huge help at the in person stuff but this was still my case, my brother, my search. I did not care for being left behind but there was no arguing with Blair and she was out the door before I had the chance to any way.
I stayed awake waiting for her to return. I couldn’t sleep, for fear I would miss something and the anxious thought that if I did then she would be injured simply because I had not been awake. It was 1 am when she came through the door in a hurry. “We have to go, I know where he is going to be”. She spoke in a hurried tone as she rushed around packing a bag full of rope and knives and duct tape. “You found Rico?” I said, feeling a rush of excitement and nerves. “Yes, he has an assignment tonight downtown at 5th and vine. We have to get a move on, his meet is in like half an hour”. She handed me a gun and started towards the door. “What am I doing with this?” I exclaimed, holding it out like it might bite me. “You’re either coming with me armed so you can protect yourself or you aren’t coming at all. We don’t know how this is going to go and I can’t look out for you and try to take him down, you have to be able to look out for yourself.” I nodded at her statement, knowing that I couldn’t just sit at home while she went after him.
Next thing I knew we were sneaking into a warehouse downtown. Blair did not have a ton of details. She had been told by someone she had flipped on the inside, that Rico was supposed to handle an issue tonight and that it was set up like a drug exchange with a dealer the gang was looking to eliminate for working with the cops. It was supposed to go down here and instead of the dealer meeting a usual contact, he would be Rico and Rico would take the guy out. Blair thought that we could get to Rico hopefully before the dealer showed up, but in the worst case scenario, we would deal with him after Rico had dealt with the dealer.
I posted up as a look-out at the dark corner of the warehouse building, out of sight but still able to see who was coming. Blair headed inside through a side window she found slightly open. She said she would let me know when I could come in. I stood there for what felt like an eternity, though it was likely 10 minutes, but Blair didn’t return. Another five or so went by and then I heard what sounded like gun fire. I didn’t think at all, I just rushed in the same window Blair had used. I grabbed the gun from inside my bag as I hurried as quickly and quietly as I could manage. There had been the sound of about seven or so rounds fired but by the time I had made it to where the sound was coming from, it was quiet. I saw ahead of me an open door, I peaked around the corner of it into a large open room, the main portion of this warehouse I imagined. I saw Blair kneeling on a man, one knee at the center of his chest and her knife against his throat. I rushed over “Are you ok, I heard gun fire. Is this him?!”. I was breathing heavily, panic and excitement washing over me. I had the gun in my hand and I pointed it at him just in case. “What happened?” I continued as Blair had not answered my first couple questions and I was impatient for answers.
“It’s him, he tried to take down the dealer who they believe is working for the cops but the guy was ready. They shot at each other, I was not involved so I am fine. The guy was a good shot though, got Rico here in the leg” with that final portion of her statement she pressed down on his leg wound with her free hand. He writhed in pain. I felt a pang of sympathy but quickly remembered this man deserved so much more, this was the man who killed my brother. My rage welled up in me. I put my finger on the trigger, I felt so angry I thought I could do it. Blair saw the gun and the expression on my face and stood. She positioned her left foot on the bullet hole in his leg and added some pressure to keep him in place. “Do it, for your brother” she said, in a hushed forceful tone. I stood there, the gun felt heavy, my heart racing. I slid my finger over the safety to confirm it was off and then felt the trigger on my finger. Was it pulsing or was I imagining it? It felt like Blair and this trigger were egging me on, pushing me towards this final act. Time slowed down and I tensed my right arm preparing to fire but I couldn’t. I didn’t have it in me. That was the answer to my question. As much as I wanted him dead, I was not the type that could make that happen. I started to lower the gun, Blair looked at me, her eyes felt heavy and angry “What are you doing, kill him, it is what we have been working towards all this time.” her tone was elevating as she spoke.
I shook my head and shrugged as I finished lowering the gun “I thought I could but I can’t, it’s not who I am. I think I am too good for this type of revenge. I want justice, not to be like him.” I sounded like a disappointment even to myself.
She looked at me, her eyes bore holes into my soul. Her words were dark, deep and intense. “Well I’m not. Give me the gun.” She slid her hand over the gun, relinquishing my grip slowly and then in one quick motion she pulled the barrel in line with his head, and fired.
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